I am I am

These days,

I am falling asleep, no longer so afraid of not sleeping.

I am waking up with a tumble instead of a jolt.

I am waiting for the woman to make the espresso.

I am finding new ways to look at people. Really look.

I am putting my head in my hands.

I am putting his hips in my hands.

I am showing him there are no words for the way he looks when his head is thrown back.

I am letting myself be held without holding him less.

I am getting used to the sounds of someone sleeping next to me. Again.

These days, I am dreaming in temperatures, from cold to warm and sometimes I get warmer. Sometimes.